My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
