Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
