the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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