It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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