Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
