ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
