you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
