yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
