I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
