Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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