yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
