Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
