You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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