u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
