dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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