I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This girl is more easily done than said...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
