i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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