A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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