he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
