I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
