Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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