Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
