I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
