Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You may now shotgun with the bride
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
