Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
