question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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