thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
