If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
