Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
