Sponge bath it is.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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