i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
