So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
