I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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