I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
