cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
