OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
