wanna go halves on a baby?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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