Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
