it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
