All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
