Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
