she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He passed out mid-signature
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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