blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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