How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
