I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I understand Curling. That high.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
