Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
