Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
