i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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