it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
