You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
